I love speed, but I felt like I needed more time on my slalom and gs ski's so I went with JS to train with the world cup tech team in Hinterreit, Austria. There, I had some of the best training in slalom that I've ever had. I felt like I was on top of the world. Finally, with just JS coaching me and the rest of the girls to watch, I felt like I could really let go of my fears and really try and make changes in my skiing. Without thinking about going fast or what the coaches think of my skiing I let go and relaxed. I had the time of my life and I will never forget those 3 days of training. Something about the snow and how grippy it was just made me come alive. I had had some issues earlier on in the europe trip with enjoying myself and it really worried me. I want this more then anyone I know and it hurt to feel like I wasn't having fun anymore. The slalom training opened my eyes to a whole new attitude; a whole new me. It all came together and it makes me happy to know that I went out on a bang.
I think those three days are what is getting me through this injury. Along with the fact that I was training with what are now World Cup winners, I am more motivated then ever. My first injury happened on Feb 12th 2010 and I can't explain how different my rehab is now then it was from then. Even though it is the exact same injury, the differences are huge. The days before my injury made me see that I can really do anything if I set my mind to it. Knowing that I can not only ski well in speed but slalom too proves that I can really be a four event skier. Being right up there was the world cup girls proves that I too can make it. This year has been a huge learning experience for me too. I thought I knew a lot about skiing and the way it works but I figured out that I know very little. It makes me realize I have soo much more to give.
At the beginning of my injury before the surgery it was very hard for me to except that I had torn the same ACL for a 2nd time. The run before my accident I had fallen and had thought about how lucky I was that my knee had felt soo strong. I think thats why it was so hard for me to fathom it all. It didn't make sense to me because I always think that everything happens for a reason and I had know idea why I had deserved it again. I thought I had learned my lessons the first time. In 2010 I learned that I loved the sport soo much and would never give it up. I learned so much about myself and how to manage my body. This time however, I was stuborn at first to think that I could get anything out of this tragedy. It hurt to think I had to wait a whole nother year. Wait, and wait and wait. I felt like I was wasting my time.
With the surgery over I became more positive however. It is uplifting to think about how well my body is healing. I had a donor ligament and it has been 90 percent less painful then the first. I was able to pre-recover and work out before the surgery which I think made the world of a difference. Even though I have still lost a ton of muscle and weight, I feel like it was maintained a little better then the last. My muscle definition is already coming back and I had full range of motion within 2 weeks. I 'manned up' and I've really been a stone face through this process. I have learned to control my emotions and learned to except that I will be back stronger then ever eventually. It may take a lot of time but I know now that maybe this break is really what I needed. I will be 2 months recovering and everyday I'm trying to do something new. Theres a lot of things I enjoy and ski racing is one of them but I have now realized that ski racing isn't my life, its part of my life. With skiing came a lot of crazy fun experiences, but I also had to give up a lot of my life to do it. With all the time I have now, I can make up for the lost friends and missed 'normal' experiences.
IM BACK!
-Jules
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